The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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