lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
