I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
