..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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