grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
