Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Randomize
