Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
