dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Randomize
