If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
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