bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Man, jail baloney is awful.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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