so let's talk penis.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
