you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
