nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I said "one day" and that day is not today
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
