can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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