your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
