Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
