I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
