I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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