I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
