I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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