SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
