Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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