ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
