I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
