Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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