oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
