he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
