i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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