just tell him i said nine months
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
