So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize