the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I came so hard my ears popped.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
