Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
