I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
