tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
