I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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