the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
