Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
