Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
