oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
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