i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
