no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Randomize
