My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
