He told me they were just razor bumps!
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
