see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Everyone says I win the strip club
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
