I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
