I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
We have started to decorate penises.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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