I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
