this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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