the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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