Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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