In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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