Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
