All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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