I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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