I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
