i already hear my dad disowning me
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
