creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
