bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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