When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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