well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
