you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I've blown a few things in my day
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I see more hoeing in ur future
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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