happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
