maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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