He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
