i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
