She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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