Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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