O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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