It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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