I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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