Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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