Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
