Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
