I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize