talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
