I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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