i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
