why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
