Cold hands, warm shart.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
