So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Randomize
