I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
