i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Randomize
