Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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