Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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