listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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