stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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