i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I smell stomach acid.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
