She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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