If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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