to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
