Pants 0. Shit 1.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
