You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
