I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
