it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
