the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
