I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize